As I prepare for motherhood, of course I rely on books a key source of information. I not only enjoy gaining practical knowledge from professionals but also from those "in the trenches" i.e., mothers as they share their personal trials, tribulations, and joys of motherhood. I am culturally curious about not only our shared commonalities but how much we can learn from other cultures. Therefore, I could not resist a book, such as this one, that discussed parenting approaches from around the world.
Like me, the author comes from a multi-ethnic background. While she is also Asian, she did not learn about her Asian heritage until later in life as she was raised by Caucasian parents in Michigan and only as a young adult returned to Taiwan to meet her biological parents. Her daughter, like our daughter, is bi-racial with an Asian mother and a Caucasian father. While this is definitely not a requirement, her multi-ethnic background sparks her curiousity about multiculturalism. This is revealed in her attempts to incorporate multicultural parenting approaches into her own parenting style. Futhermore, she references different professional sources' (research studies, experts in pediatric care) to validate or refute different parenting approaches.
Obviously, one needs to take into consideration individuality and one can not assume these cultural parenting approaches apply to every parent within a certain culture; however, many of these approaches are culturally specific perspectives that are embraced by many parents within the culture.
Below is a brief summary of different culture's parenting approaches and its application to modern American parents:
* "How Buenos Aires Teach Their Children to Go to Bed Late"- Unlike most American parents who enforce strict sleep schedules for their children, Argentine parents tend to be more lenient and in fact, encourage their children to stay up late. It is not uncommon see young children wide awake and alert as as their parents socialize with friends at restaurants during late dinners. Medical research strongly supports young childrens' need for sleep to promote neurological, physical and emotional well-being. Argentine parents claim they make up for late bedtime with late wake-up times since preschool tend to start later in the day; however, it is not possible for Americans to create such a schedule making this Argentine practice non-viable. However, I do admire the Argentine cultural social norm that views children as an active participant rather then a burden in public places. The author gave examples of social public restaurants (such as in crowded restaurants) where staff members and other patrons do not look at crying, upset children with scorn and embarrassment, instead provide physical and emotional support to parents if needed.
* " "How the French Teach Their Children to Love Healthy Food"- The author introduces this chapter and illustrates this practice with a rural French elementary school that offers their students meals and snacks made from produce grown in its own garden. Although clearly this school is not representative of all French schools, I do like their policy that every child should try a certain produce at least "twice" before refusing to eat it. Eating healthy, non-processed foods is a practice that more modern American parents embrace, when compared to twenty to thirty years ago so while the French set a good example, it is not an entirely novel, culturally specific practice. In addition encouraging children to eat healthy food, the French also respect the sanctity of family mealtimes with the belief "If you value your food and food time, then your child will. If eating is simply something you have to do, between everything else you have to cram into your day, that is probably how your child will think as well." With our busy, fast-based lives and over dependence/attachment to portable electronic devices, unfortunately family mealtimes with uninterupted conversation is not a common practice in many American households. This is a practice that should be embraced to promote family bonding and support, critical to the family units' emotional strength and well being.
* " How the Kenyans Live Without Strollers"- Early in the chapter, the author points out that the use of strollers is not condusive for every society for several reasons including cost and poor quality roads. Consequently, many of these societies depend on alternative means of transporting their infants including baby carriers and slings. While the use of baby carriers and slings are growing, as a society we still overly depend on the use of strollers to transport our young children and although strollers are often practical, we must not ignore the many benefits of carrying babies close to our bodies. Babies who are carried in their parents arms or in a baby carriers receive vestibular stimulation which improves cognitive skills, parent-child attachment and postural development which affects the child's motor development. Studies have also shown that babies who are frequently carried by their mother tend to cry less then "independant" babies who spend most of the day in a crib, stroller or playpen.
* "How Lebanese Families Keep Their Families Close"- Not only Lebanese families, but many other ethnic groups are strong proponents of extended families who live in close proximity or in joint families, where extended family members live in the same house. Unfortunately, job opportunites do not make this option feasible to many families. This chapter identifies the several advantages families have when they live in close proximity including: deep rootedness, security, support and kinship, as a result children are often more emotionally well-adjusted.
* " How the Japanese Let Their Children Play- While Japanese parents and teachers supervise their children during play, they typically take a "back seat" when dealing with childrens' squabbles and fights, whereas American adults are typically quick to intervene. Children in Japan are encouraged to independantly resolve conflicts. Furthermore, the motivation not to fight signficantly differs between American and Japanese cultures, a comparative study between American and Japanese children revealed that while 92 percent of American children did not fight in order to avoid getting "caught and punsished", 90 percent of Japanese children stated that they did not want to "hurt other children or cause them to feel guilt or shame." Specifically, American children often are taught not to engage in conflict or agressive behavior in order to avoid extrinsic punishment (such as, "time-outs", loss of personal priveleges, verbal reprimands etc.), whereas, Japanese children learn intrinsic consequences of such behavior (including personal embarrassment, shame, and guilt in addition to empathizing with the victim's feelings). While adult nonintervention may not always be appropriate (especially during physical conflicts), teaching children the intrinsic consequences of their behavior may result in lasting, long-term conflict resolution and prevention.
* How Mayan Villages Put their Children to Work- Children in rural hunting-gathering societies typically spend a large portion of their day helping their parents with household and field chores. While of course most American children do not have the opportunity to engage in such chores, this chapter encourages our childrens' increased involvement in daily, routine household tasks (such as cooking, washing, dishes, gardenwork etc.) as "work not only serves the function of helping but enables children to learn they must grow up and be motivated workers.". In other works, it helps build responsiblity and work ethic. A long-term study of young adults determined that "the best predictor of young adults' success in their mid-20s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four." The study revealed that early participation in household tasks taught them "competence, self-reliance and self-worth that stayed with them throughout their lives."
* "How Asians Learn to Excel in School"- In general, Asian-American students, often outperform their peers and according to this chapter this is attributed to the value their parents place on academic achievement, in additon, to "differences in student motivation (how much they want to succeed), effort (how hard they exert themselves) and behavior (how much they devote to their studies)." While many Asian parents can be very strict and demanding regarding academic success, parents should maintain a healthy balance of setting standards and encouragement. Furthermore, research has revealed the importance of parental approach towards motivating childrens' academic success, showing how "encouraging a child to work harder can have a greater impact on success than inflating his ego by telling him he's smart." In other words, children intrensically should be encouraged to problem-solve and persevere.
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