Tuesday, May 8, 2012
"Bringing Up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman
"Bringing Up Bebe-One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting" is another book that provided me with insights into culturally diverse parenting styles. As an American expat,the author, Pamela Druckerman, gave birth and raised three young children in Paris. She comments on French parents' approach to several parenting issues including: breastfeeding, meals, sleep patterns, daycare, stay-home moms v. working moms, and discipline.
Druckermann appears to percieve French parenting styles as effective within most realms. My opinion is more mixed. Unlike my admiration for several cultural parenting styles highlighted in "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm" by Mei-Ling Hopgood, I find only a few of the French parenting approaches "interesting" and have difficulty relating to several of the other French approaches.
I am most fascinated and interested in attempting to incorporate, French parents approach to food. In general, French children tend to be less "picky" eaters when compared to American children. Parents introduce their infants at six months to diverse fruits and vegetables, as opposed to American infants introduction to solid food- rice cereal. In order to increase the likelihood that infants will accept different produce, initially rejected foods are re-introduced a little at a time. As they grow older, young French children are expected to share in the adult meal as opposed to having a seperate "kiddie" meals. Also, French children tend to be less disruptive during mealtimes, less likely to refuse food, due to a more healthy appetite since they are served less snacks throughout the day when compared with typical American children. Furthermore, withholding treats (such as desserts and other sugar based snacks) is not encouraged but is allowed in moderation. I have heard this approach before since complete denial of certain foods leads to binge eating when encountering the denied food in a social situation.
I am not as supportive to French parents earlier approach to feeding, specifically breast feeding. While I completely respect that the choice to breastfeed or not is a highly personal choice which is not only not suitable. but may not be biologically feasible, for every mother I am a strong advocate for the nutritional benefits of breastmilk. However, according to the book, it seems that French parents do not place as much emphasis and importance on breastfeeding. One French pediatrician reports that although he explains the science and benefits of breastfeeding to new mothers, "three quarters of the people I work with in the hospital don't believe that breast milk is healthier than formula. They think there is no difference." This results in " a bit more than half ( French mothers) are still nursing when they leave the maternity hospital and most abandon it altogether soon after that." This is compared to America, where "74 percent of mothers do at least some breastfeeding and a third are still nursing exclusively at four months." Not only is the breastfeeding culture more prevalent in America, but mothers seem to receive more external support in the form of lactation consultants and mother support groups.
Another area of personal choice is the choice be a stay-at-home or working mother. Again, I fully respect an individual mothers's choice and am accepting of either choice. This appears to not be the case in France where the vast majority of college educated mothers return to work and tend to look down upon college educated mothers who stay at home as having an inferior social status. As a college-educated mother who is choosing to be a stay-at-home mother, I find this mindset very offensive.
One contributing factor in French mothers choice to continue working, is France's goverment subsidized daycare known as "creches". Creches are geographically prevalent throughout France and provide high quality, affordable child care. Teacher to child ratios are low and caregivers are respected, well-educated professionals.
While I have read several parenting books, I am hesitant in committing to one or more approaches prior to our daughter's arrival since I recognize that no one approach is the "best for your child" and parenting involves flexibility along with trial and error. One controversial area in which experts vie for the conveted spot of solving parents "problems" is the area of sleep managment. According to this book, the majority of French infants sleep through the night by three to four months. Some of the tips French parents offers in order to accomplish this "miraculous feat" is in "the early months, they keep their babies with them in the light during the day, even for naps, and put them to bed in the dark at night." and "give your baby a chance to self-sooth, don't automatically respond, even from birth." Based on the literature I read, while I see validity to these points and admire parents ability to manage a child sleep pattern, I do question whether young infants have the cognitive and emotional maturity to self-soothe themselves.
Finally, the books depicts French children as being generally well-behaved and respectful. This is primarily due to the parents authorative parenting style, where "no" means "no" with no room for debate or argument. In particular, I admire French parents stress upon respect for other adults. When an adult family friend visits, French children are expected to come out and greet the adult visitor. Unfortunately, this rule is not consistently expected in every American households especially when a child enters the "awkward" pre-adolescence stage and beyond. Another admirable parenting approach is teaching children to "wait", the importance of patience. Patience is a virtue that should be taught early and all of children's demands should not be instantaneously met at the expense of structure and inappropriate interruptions in social situations. A French psychologist advises that "parents should stay in close communication with the child, by embracing him or looking him in the eye. But she must make him realize that he can't have everything right away" . If a child consquently gets frustrated, this is acceptable, since "kids will be damaged if they can't cope with frustration. They (French parents) treat coping with frustration as a core life skill."
"Bringing Up Bebe" book had a more narrative style and included more anecdotal support rather than theoretical support of French parenting approaches when compared to "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm". Also, some of the information presented in each chapter were redundant and not as well organized as "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm". However, overally "Bringing Up Bebe" was a fascinating read in one of my primary area of reading interest, cultural studies of international parenting styles.
Druckermann appears to percieve French parenting styles as effective within most realms. My opinion is more mixed. Unlike my admiration for several cultural parenting styles highlighted in "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm" by Mei-Ling Hopgood, I find only a few of the French parenting approaches "interesting" and have difficulty relating to several of the other French approaches.
I am most fascinated and interested in attempting to incorporate, French parents approach to food. In general, French children tend to be less "picky" eaters when compared to American children. Parents introduce their infants at six months to diverse fruits and vegetables, as opposed to American infants introduction to solid food- rice cereal. In order to increase the likelihood that infants will accept different produce, initially rejected foods are re-introduced a little at a time. As they grow older, young French children are expected to share in the adult meal as opposed to having a seperate "kiddie" meals. Also, French children tend to be less disruptive during mealtimes, less likely to refuse food, due to a more healthy appetite since they are served less snacks throughout the day when compared with typical American children. Furthermore, withholding treats (such as desserts and other sugar based snacks) is not encouraged but is allowed in moderation. I have heard this approach before since complete denial of certain foods leads to binge eating when encountering the denied food in a social situation.
I am not as supportive to French parents earlier approach to feeding, specifically breast feeding. While I completely respect that the choice to breastfeed or not is a highly personal choice which is not only not suitable. but may not be biologically feasible, for every mother I am a strong advocate for the nutritional benefits of breastmilk. However, according to the book, it seems that French parents do not place as much emphasis and importance on breastfeeding. One French pediatrician reports that although he explains the science and benefits of breastfeeding to new mothers, "three quarters of the people I work with in the hospital don't believe that breast milk is healthier than formula. They think there is no difference." This results in " a bit more than half ( French mothers) are still nursing when they leave the maternity hospital and most abandon it altogether soon after that." This is compared to America, where "74 percent of mothers do at least some breastfeeding and a third are still nursing exclusively at four months." Not only is the breastfeeding culture more prevalent in America, but mothers seem to receive more external support in the form of lactation consultants and mother support groups.
Another area of personal choice is the choice be a stay-at-home or working mother. Again, I fully respect an individual mothers's choice and am accepting of either choice. This appears to not be the case in France where the vast majority of college educated mothers return to work and tend to look down upon college educated mothers who stay at home as having an inferior social status. As a college-educated mother who is choosing to be a stay-at-home mother, I find this mindset very offensive.
One contributing factor in French mothers choice to continue working, is France's goverment subsidized daycare known as "creches". Creches are geographically prevalent throughout France and provide high quality, affordable child care. Teacher to child ratios are low and caregivers are respected, well-educated professionals.
While I have read several parenting books, I am hesitant in committing to one or more approaches prior to our daughter's arrival since I recognize that no one approach is the "best for your child" and parenting involves flexibility along with trial and error. One controversial area in which experts vie for the conveted spot of solving parents "problems" is the area of sleep managment. According to this book, the majority of French infants sleep through the night by three to four months. Some of the tips French parents offers in order to accomplish this "miraculous feat" is in "the early months, they keep their babies with them in the light during the day, even for naps, and put them to bed in the dark at night." and "give your baby a chance to self-sooth, don't automatically respond, even from birth." Based on the literature I read, while I see validity to these points and admire parents ability to manage a child sleep pattern, I do question whether young infants have the cognitive and emotional maturity to self-soothe themselves.
Finally, the books depicts French children as being generally well-behaved and respectful. This is primarily due to the parents authorative parenting style, where "no" means "no" with no room for debate or argument. In particular, I admire French parents stress upon respect for other adults. When an adult family friend visits, French children are expected to come out and greet the adult visitor. Unfortunately, this rule is not consistently expected in every American households especially when a child enters the "awkward" pre-adolescence stage and beyond. Another admirable parenting approach is teaching children to "wait", the importance of patience. Patience is a virtue that should be taught early and all of children's demands should not be instantaneously met at the expense of structure and inappropriate interruptions in social situations. A French psychologist advises that "parents should stay in close communication with the child, by embracing him or looking him in the eye. But she must make him realize that he can't have everything right away" . If a child consquently gets frustrated, this is acceptable, since "kids will be damaged if they can't cope with frustration. They (French parents) treat coping with frustration as a core life skill."
"Bringing Up Bebe" book had a more narrative style and included more anecdotal support rather than theoretical support of French parenting approaches when compared to "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm". Also, some of the information presented in each chapter were redundant and not as well organized as "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm". However, overally "Bringing Up Bebe" was a fascinating read in one of my primary area of reading interest, cultural studies of international parenting styles.
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